olga willemsen | wellbeing blog | self-forgiveness practice
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Embrace Emotional Freedom: a Simple Self-Forgiveness Practice for Personal Growth

We often hear that forgiveness is about letting go of what others have done to us. But what about forgiving ourselves?

Self-forgiveness is essential. As a hypnotherapist and coach, I frequently work with clients who struggle with guilt and low self-esteem. These emotions weigh you down and limit your potential.

This post will show you how practicing self-forgiveness can lead to a more joyful, meaningful, and fulfilling life.

  • Watch the video, practice self-forgiveness with my guidance, or continue reading the blog below.

How to Forgive Yourself

I teach my clients practical tools that support their personal and professional growth. Most of the questions I receive from them are about self-forgiveness practice. Here, I go into detail and answer the questions I usually receive.

How to Practice Self-Forgiveness

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  1. Start by thinking of a specific situation where you weren’t happy with yourself, maybe something you did recently. It doesn’t have to be a huge mistake.
  2. Focus your attention on your heart area and connect with the feelings of unconditional love, serenity, and peace.
  3. When you think of that situation again, forgive yourself unconditionally.

Holding on to guilt and blame ties you to the past, which no longer exists. By forgiving yourself, you release emotional attachment to that situation, which brings a sense of inner peace and freedom.

You’ll also notice that letting go opens up space to make new choices—how you want to act in similar situations in the future. This is where real growth happens.

Learning from Mistakes, Not Blaming Yourself

We’re often told to learn from our mistakes, but it’s hard to grow if you’re stuck in self-blame. When you blame yourself, you identify with the mistake as if it defines who you are. Self-forgiveness helps break this cycle by shifting your focus from the mistake to how you want to change and improve.

One common question I get is, “What if the mistake was really bad?” The answer is the same: if you don’t forgive yourself, you continue to identify with the error and limit your ability to grow.

Forgiving yourself allows you to acknowledge the mistake without being consumed by it, empowering you to choose better strategies in the future.

Forgiving Negative Emotional Reactions

Self-forgiveness isn’t just about actions—it also applies to how you react to others. Maybe someone hurt or disappointed you, leaving you feeling angry or sad. These are the moments when self-forgiveness is crucial.

Why? Because when you hold on to negative emotions tied to someone else’s actions, you give up control of your own well-being.

In these cases, focus on your emotional reaction. Take responsibility for your feelings, and forgive yourself for holding on to those emotions.

Doing this empowers you and frees you from letting others control your happiness.

Overcoming Blocks to Self-Forgiveness

Some people struggle with self-forgiveness because they can’t connect with their hearts and experience unconditional love. They may feel blocked by the emotional pain of unresolved past traumatic experiences.

If this happens to you, try focusing on those feelings and accepting them fully until they begin to subside.

If you find this too challenging to do, consider working with a professional who can guide you in processing your past traumatic experiences.

Make Self-Forgiveness a Daily Habit

To truly benefit from self-forgiveness, practice it daily for at least 21 days. If you miss a day, start over. Soon, this practice will become second nature.

With time, you’ll become more aware of your emotions and more capable of making conscious choices in life.

Why is self-forgiveness important?

By practicing self-forgiveness regularly, you can enhance the quality of your life and grow as a person, professional, and parent.

You’ll find yourself living more joyfully and with a more profound sense of purpose and fulfillment.

You will also be amazed at how learning to forgive yourself makes it much easier for you to forgive others!

What Science Says about Forgiveness

Research proves that forgiveness is a powerful psychological and emotional process that offers numerous advantages for mental and physical well-being.

Cognitive and Emotional Forgiveness

There is a key distinction between decisional and emotional forgiveness.

  • Decisional forgiveness involves resisting an unforgiving stance and responding differently toward a transgressor.
  • Emotional forgiveness involves replacing negative, unforgiving emotions with positive emotions. It is not decisional, but emotional forgiveness leads to psychological and physiological changes and directly affects health and well-being.

The self-forgiveness practice described in this post is such a transformational emotional forgiveness practice.

Psychological Benefits of Forgiveness

  • Reduction in Negative Emotions: Forgiveness interventions have been shown to effectively reduce depression, anger, hostility, stress, and distress.
  • Promoting positive affect: People inclined to forgive tend to be more emotionally stable and have higher self-esteem than people who do not tend to forgive.
  • Anger Management: Forgiveness helps manage anger, which is crucial for emotional well-being.

Physical Health Benefits of Forgiveness

  • Physiological Improvements: Forgiveness is associated with decreased stress levels, lower blood pressure, and a reduced heart rate, contributing to overall physical health.

Social and Relational Benefits of Forgiveness

  • Reconciliation: Forgiveness fosters openness to reconciliation with wrongdoers, which can restore and improve social relationships.
  • Prosocial Behavior: It enhances social interactions and relationships.

Summary: Self-Forgiveness

Forgiveness substantially benefits your mental and physical health, social relationships, and personal development. It reduces negative emotions, improves physiological health, and fosters reconciliation.

Understanding and practicing forgiveness can enhance your overall well-being and quality of life.

The steps of the Self-Forgiveness practice are simple:

  • reconnect with your heart, feel the unconditional love within, and
  • forgive yourself unconditionally for any situation or event.

As you do this, you’ll experience freedom, heightened awareness, and the ability to make better choices moving forward in your life.

Let me know how your self-forgiveness journey goes—I’d love to hear about your experiences.


This blog post is inspired by my work with clients and the transformative power of self-forgiveness.

If you’re struggling to connect with this practice or feel blocked, feel free to schedule a free discovery call. Together, we can work through the barriers to help you experience the full benefits of self-forgiveness.

FAQ: Self-Forgiveness

Is it selfish to forgive yourself?

No, it is absolutely not! Because forgiving yourself helps you to learn from mistakes and prevents the same mistakes from happening again. Moreover, learning to forgive yourself teaches you how to forgive others.

Why is self-forgiveness hard?

Self-forgiveness is hard because we feel guilt or shame when we fall short.
We also struggle to let go of mistakes because we subconsciously believe that self-blame helps us stay accountable or prevents us from making the same error again. However, this mindset makes it difficult to move forward.
Additionally, we may identify with our mistakes and see them as a part of our personality rather than isolated events.
This deepens feelings of unworthiness and makes it harder to forgive ourselves. Unresolved emotional pain also prevents us from connecting with the compassion needed for self-forgiveness.
Ultimately, self-forgiveness requires us to release the past, accept our imperfections, know that we are good enough as we are, and choose personal growth over self-judgment.
With practice, it becomes a powerful tool for personal growth and healing.

References

  1. Sadaf Akhtar, J. Barlow Forgiveness Therapy for the Promotion of Mental Well-Being: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse. 201810.1177/1524838016637079
  2. E. Worthington et al. Forgiveness, Health, and Well-Being: A Review of Evidence for Emotional Versus Decisional Forgiveness, Dispositional Forgivingness, and Reduced Unforgiveness. Journal of Behavioral Medicine. 200710.1007/s10865-007-9105-8
  3. Jada Twedt StrabbingForgiveness and ReconciliationAustralasian Journal of Philosophy 202010.1080/00048402.2019.1687532
  4. L. M. Mullen et al. Facilitation of Forgiveness. Holistic Nursing Practice 202310.1097/HNP.0000000000000559
  5. R. Fitzgibbons The Cognitive And Emotive Uses Of Forgiveness In The Treatment Of Anger. Psychotherapy 198610.1037/H0085667
  6. M. McCullough Forgiveness: Who Does It and How Do They Do It? Current Directions in Psychological Science 200110.1111/1467-8721.00147
  7. Melike M. Fourie, R. Hortensius, J. Decety Parsing the components of forgiveness: Psychological and neural mechanisms. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews 202010.1016/j.neubiorev. 2020.02.020
  8. B. Barcaccia et al. Forgiving Adolescents: Far From Depression, Close to Well-Being. Frontiers in Psychology 201910.3389/fpsyg. 2019.01725
  9. E. D. Scobie, G. Scobie Damaging Events: The Perceived Need for Forgiveness. Journal for The Theory of Social Behaviour 199810.1111/1468-5914.00081
  10. J. Tirrell Forgiveness as a character strength: Toward a developmental model and research agenda. Journal of Moral Education 202110.1080/03057240.2021.1873754
  11. Chen, G. (2024). Self-Forgiveness and Gratitude in Recovery from Substance Use Disorders. Journal of psychoactive drugs, 1-10. https://doi.org/10.1080/02791072.2024.2366172.

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