3 Reasons to Avoid Setting Boundaries and What to Do Instead
Are you also concerned about setting boundaries? It’s a very popular topic in the media and a recurring theme I hear from most of my hypnotherapy clients.
In this vlog, I’ll share three reasons not to set boundaries—and offer a powerful alternative.
The Power of Your Language
Let’s start with an important idea: our words profoundly influence our emotions and behavior.
It matters to us how another person speaks to us. We believe that words can hurt and they can heal.
For example, if someone blames you and requires something from you, you will resist. But if someone asks something kindly, especially if we understand the reason behind it – we are much more likely to help.
So, we react to another person’s words, but even more to our own words, though often, we aren’t aware of what the words truly mean, how they affect us emotionally, and which reactions and behaviors they cause.
The Metaphor of Setting Boundaries
Our language is filled with metaphors. Metaphors paint vivid mental pictures that carry deeper meaning and evoke emotion. Think about such phrases as:
- an early bird or a night owl
- like fish in or out of the water
- the heart of stone or gold
- the light at the end of the tunnel
“Setting boundaries” is one of such metaphors.
Repeat the phrase several times to yourself:
- I need to set boundaries.
- I must have healthy boundaries.
What picture does that create in your mind?
For me, it means three things—and none of them are helpful.
1. “Setting boundaries” implies weakness
This metaphor can make you feel like a victim who needs to protect themselves. It suggests you’re not strong enough to manage your environment otherwise.
2. It suggests confrontation
Setting boundaries feels defensive, even to a certain extent aggressive. It frames relationships as battles where you must constantly guard yourself.
Don’t we already have enough conflict in the world?
3. It leads to isolation
Boundaries can create emotional or physical distance from others, increasing loneliness.
I’ve spoken in other blogs about the epidemic of loneliness and how much we need connection instead.
So, what’s the alternative?
I suggest shifting from setting boundaries to making your own path.
Let me know in the comments which alternatives are more appealing to you!
Here’s why this metaphor is so much more empowering:
1. “Making your path” reflects your worthiness
Creating your path shows that you value yourself and your right to choose what’s best for you.
2. It focuses on your priorities
Instead of battling others, you focus on what truly matters to you.
You can achieve uncomparably more with such a positive, goal-oriented, and mighty mindset.
3. It invites connection
On your path, you can still connect with others and even build stronger relationships.
Walking your path means feeling worthy, staying focused, and achieving success—while remaining open to connection.
A Final Thought
When you follow your path, it doesn’t mean you do it at someone else’s expense.
True self-care and personal achievement are aligned with universal human values—values shared across cultures and religions. They support not only your well-being but also the well-being of others.
Sometimes, your interests may seem to clash with someone else’s immediate desires. However, when you take a broader perspective, what feels like a conflict can often be an opportunity for growth.
Consider a child deeply immersed in play when a parent interrupts because it’s bedtime. The child may cry and resist, but the parent understands that sleep and routine are vital for the child’s health, rest, and development.
This is the beauty of focusing on your path—it’s a win for everyone.
Check out my posts on words for better thoughts and building genuine connections.
Would you like help with such a mindset shift?
If you want to grow from setting boundaries and feeling weak to feeling worthy and building your path, you can schedule a free discovery call with me.
Let’s work together to transform your thoughts and emotions and create the life you want.
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