Words for Better Thoughts: 7 Tips
Words have power – your own words can heal you and can really hurt you. And there is a whole range of effects between healing and hurt.
The words that have the most power over you are not someone else’s but your own words. Your words influence your thinking and, through that, also your perception of the world and behavior. You can choose words for better thoughts and outcomes.
In this post, learn how some typical daily words negatively affect you and how to improve your life instantly by exchanging those words and creating better thoughts and understanding with others.
“All I need is a sheet of paper and something to write with, and then I can turn the world upside down.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche
How Words Influence Thoughts and Actions
Words are the concepts you are handling. You program yourself by default to feel a certain way by using certain words. And the way you feel makes you act accordingly.
If you use the words without being aware of their influence on you and repeat them over and over again, you may become disappointed by the outcomes you create.
1. I can’t
Remember some cases when you told someone, “Oh, no, I can’t do that, I will never be able to do that.” Also, remember your thoughts about yourself, your capabilities, and the feelings and sensations these words caused…
You probably thought of the limitations in your life and might have felt inadequate. But if you questioned your answer, you might have thought of the possibilities and opportunities for you to take that decision or action.
The words for better thoughts: instead of “I can’t” are “I haven’t tried this yet” and “I am open to making this new experience.”
Notice how you feel when you apply better words to your situation. Do you feel more empowered?
2. Problem
When you talk about having a problem or even “a big problem,” what are your thoughts, and how do you usually feel?
Your thoughts are probably negative, and you might feel heavy, exhausted, and hopeless.
The words for better thoughts:
Instead of Problem, you could use a more neutral word, such as challenge or issue.
How does your perception change when you exchange the word problem for challenge or issue?
You might feel lighter, more energetic, and hopeful, and start thinking of possibilities and solutions.
Whereas nobody likes to have problems in their way, challenges are welcome. Challenges make life more exciting.
3. Trying
If you are asked to do something new or decide to do something new, you might say “trying to do it.”
If you are sitting, and I ask you to try standing up, what will you do?
You will probably stand up. But it is not what I am asking for. I am asking you to try, which is not the same as acting.
Imagine you wholeheartedly invite a friend or organize an important work meeting, and your friend or a critical stakeholder answers: “I will try to be there.” How certain are you that this person will be there for the event? Probably, you will be uncertain and confused.
So, when you use the word trying, you create much uncertainty and leave room for failing, retreating, escaping, or simply not doing it at all.
The words for better thoughts:
It is much more apparent if you think of specific actions and time frames when you want to do something. Your confidence will grow, and your success will be more assured.
4. But
The word but is powerful. Notice how the following statements feel to you:
“It is good for me to exercise more, but I am too busy; I just do not have time for it.”
“It is good for me to eat well, but it costs me too much effort/money.”
“I am doing my best, but the circumstances are stronger than me.”
You might feel powerless, helpless, and out of control. The word “but” cancels everything that was said before it. So, if a negative statement follows the word “but,” it cancels anything positive that came before it.
The words for better thoughts:
Now, notice how it feels if you say:
“It is good for me to exercise more, and though I am very busy, I will plan well to make time for it.”
“It is good for me to eat well. I will invest my efforts, and the following arrangements will help me make it easier…”
“I am doing my best, and though the circumstances are not very easy, I will persist until I get the desired results.”
You may feel empowered and in control.
When “but” is useful
Also, putting a negative statement before the word “but” and the positive after it will neutralize the negative statement:
“This is not easy, but I will make it work.”
5. Why?
Give yourself a few examples of personal why questions. Often, these are questions like:
- Why did this happen to me?
- Why did this person say/do this to me?
- Why am I (not) so?
- Why can’t I (somebody else) be so-and-so?
Notice how you feel about these why questions? You likely feel stuck in the past, disappointed, and hopeless.
The words for better thoughts:
In contrast to “why,” how questions are current moment-, solution-, and action-oriented. Repeat the following questions and notice how they influence you:
- How can I resolve this issue?
- How can I improve this relationship?
- How can I become better at …? etc.
When “why” is useful
Not all why questions are unhelpful. When asked from curiosity and higher awareness, they can lead to insight and transformation. For example:
- Why am I here? (What is the purpose of my life?)
- Why did this happen to me? — not as a complaint, but as an invitation to see the deeper meaning of an event.
When you ask why in this way, you look for understanding, lessons, and personal growth — not for someone to blame.
It’s the difference between being a victim of circumstances and being a conscious learner of life.
6. “My” and “Have”: Ownership Through Language
Become aware of what you take ownership of through words like my and I have. You likely use them with things you’re proud of — my children, my career, my home, my achievements. That’s natural. But you may also use them with difficult or painful experiences without realizing what that does to your mindset.
Do you say things like:
my anxiety, my depression, my problem, my illness, my bad luck, my fear, my trauma?
Or:
I have insomnia, I have a weight problem, I have OCD, or I have low energy?
Phrases including “my” and “I have” sound factual but signal ownership. They suggest that these issues are part of who you are, fixed and personal. This can create a sense of heaviness, helplessness, or even a sense of identity around the problem.
But are they truly yours? Do you want to keep them?
The words for better thoughts:
You can shift your language to reflect growth instead of attachment. Notice the difference:
Instead of “my problem“, say “a challenge I’m working through“.
Instead of “my illness“, say “I’m supporting my body’s healing“.
Instead of “I have anxiety“, say “I sometimes experience anxious thoughts — and I’m learning to respond differently“.
Take ownership only of what you want to grow: my health, my relationships, or my job – and the proud ones: my children, my achievements, etc.
And expand your awareness even further — towards what truly uplifts you.
Start regularly thinking and speaking about:
my higher goal, my vocation, my higher purpose.
Remind yourself: my life has a higher purpose. I am here for a reason. I have gifts to share with others.
When you take ownership of what gives your life meaning, your mind begins to align with it — just as it once aligned with problems or fears.
7. “I am…” — your most powerful words
Even more powerful impact on you have words that follow the words “I am…”: I am a citizen of the EU (or American), I am a husband or wife, I am a parent, I am a doctor, engineer, driver, backer, nurse, etc.
The words “I am” mean what you identify yourself with.
So, a negative identity presents an even bigger trouble; for example, I am stupid, I am the problem, I am unlucky, I am a perfectionist, etc.
Everything you identify yourself with seems to be a solid part of your personality. In reality, these are just unconscious, automatic patterns you’d learned long ago.
You were not born with them, and you can change them.
Using hypnotherapy, you can modify these unconscious, automatic behaviors quickly and effectively.
The words for better thoughts:
You can also choose what follows “I am.”
Instead of repeating old identities, affirm the truth of who you really are:
I am worthy.
I am a valuable part of my family, my community, and the world.
I am a spiritual being, learning and growing through human experience.
When you begin to speak and think this way, your inner state shifts.
Your words start shaping a new reality — one that reflects your true self.
Creating awareness about how a few words can influence your mindset is only a part of what I am working on with my clients.
If you’re looking for a real, lasting shift, my 5-session program may be precisely what you need. Start by exploring the science behind hypnosis therapy or my story. Then let’s talk — your free discovery call is just a click away.
Power of Words and Thoughts
By exchanging the words for more positive and powerful ones, you exchange the concepts you use and, therefore, the effect of the thoughts on you.
Language influences how you see yourself. Changes in thoughts can completely change your perception of circumstances and events in your life. This can help you feel better, lighter, positive, optimistic, and capable.
This isn’t about denying what’s real — it’s about not identifying with what you want to change.
If you want to move forward, let your words reflect that intention.
“If we understood the power of our thoughts, we would guard them more closely. If we understood the awesome power of our words, we would prefer silence to almost anything negative. In our thoughts and words, we create our own weaknesses and our own strengths. Our limitations and joys begin in our hearts. We can always replace negative with positive.”
-Betty Eadie
Words for Better Understanding
Also, using better words in communication with others can improve the outcomes of this communication, strengthen your relationships, and yield better results in your career.
This is especially true when communicating with your children. Be mindful not to say to your child, “You can’t do this (you are too small),” or ask, “Why did you do this (a bad thing)?”
“Be mindful when it comes to your words. A string of some that don’t mean much to you, may stick with someone else for a lifetime.”
-Rachel Wolchin
For example, if you hear at work, in your project:
“But this is not possible. But this isn’t going to work. Why should we deal with this at all? This is not our problem.”
– simply ask: “So, how can we make it happen? How can we approach the challenges, address the issues, and make the project work?”
Conclusions: Words for Better Thoughts
Words have a profound influence on your mental state and even your actions.
By raising your awareness of the words you use, you can improve your mental state, choose better actions, and create results you desire.
You can do this by avoiding certain words and replacing them:
- I can instead of I can’t
- Challenge or issue instead of a problem,
- Doing instead of trying,
- And instead of but
- Asking how instead of asking why
- Take ownership of (my… and I have…) and identify yourself (I am…) only with positive things, states, and characteristics.
Every word you speak becomes a seed of thought, and the thoughts you nurture become your reality.
Q&A: Words for Better Thoughts
Does your personality change with language?
According to the American Psychological Association and multiple other sources, personality refers to individual differences in characteristic patterns of thinking, feeling, and behavior.
Higher awareness and changes in your language can lead to changes in thinking, feeling, and behavior. Thus, according to the psychological definition, changing your vocabulary will change your personality.
At the same time, the self, the essence of who you are, remains unaffected.
Changing your language is one of the essential tools to becoming a better version of yourself.
Check out my posts, “3 Reasons to Avoid Setting Boundaries and What to Do Instead,” and Understanding Disappointment and Other Difficult Emotions — and How to Move Through Them to learn how metaphors influence you.
About the Author
Olga Willemsen, Ph.D. > Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist & Transformational Coach
Olga is the founder of New Empowered You, specializing in helping professionals break through complex weight-loss plateaus. With a Ph.D. in Natural Sciences, she blends a pragmatic, evidence-based mindset with advanced hypnotherapy.
A certified member of the International Association of Counselors and Therapists (IACT), Olga is also trained in RTT, Neo-Ericksonian Hypnosis, and the Simpson Protocol. She helps clients worldwide update the mental “software” that governs their physical health.
Ready to stop the struggle?
References
- Trick, L., Watkins, E., Windeatt, S., & Dickens, C. (2016). The association of perseverative negative thinking with depression, anxiety and emotional distress in people with long term conditions: A systematic review. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 91, 89-101. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychores.2016.11.004
- Tod, D., Hardy, J., & Oliver, E. (2011). Effects of Self-Talk: A Systematic Review, Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 33(5), 666-687. Retrieved Sep 13, 2022, from https://journals.humankinetics.com/view/journals/jsep/33/5/article-p666.xml
- D. Greenberger, C.A. Padesky, Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think. ISBN13: 9780898621280
