Be Yourself: Beyond the Cliché and Into Authenticity
Introduction – why “be yourself” can feel empty
The “be yourself” is a popular advice that pops up on social media and in inspirational quotes like “be yourself everyone else is already taken.” Yet, as a hypnotherapist, I see how this well‑intentioned advice can leave you more confused than empowered.
When we try to “just be ourselves,” we encounter a chorus of voices inside: the part that wants to please everyone, the perfectionist who doesn’t allow mistakes, the rebel who wants to push back, or the anxious critic who fears failure.
Which one of these is the “real” you?
The truth is that there’s much more to the story than a simple slogan.
Key messages
- “Be yourself” is meaningful advice, but most people struggle to live it because of inner conflicts formed early in life.
- These inner conflicts — between what you want and what you do — are driven by subconscious survival patterns that once kept you safe.
- Hypnotherapy helps you identify and update these patterns, freeing your mind to act in alignment with your authentic self.
- The result is not a new version of you, but a return to the calm, confident, compassionate you that was always there beneath the conditioning.
“Be yourself” has ancient roots – and modern pitfalls
Humanity has been preoccupied with identity and authenticity for millennia. Ancient Greeks inscribed “Know thyself” on the Temple of Apollo at Delphi (today.uconn.edu), and Shakespeare’s character Polonius famously declared “To thine own self be true.”
Modern psychology has examined why we find comfort in these lines: we tend to believe that each person has a stable, unchanging true self —an idea known as psychological essentialism (spsp.org).
Believing in a core self can make life feel coherent and meaningful, but it can also create pressure to uncover a hidden “real you,” leading to shame when you don’t fit an ideal (spsp.org).
We are not just one self
Wisdom traditions and modern therapy recognise that we are not a singular, static being.
Plato wrote that the soul has multiple parts constantly at war (educationalrenaissance.com).
Contemporary approaches like Internal Family Systems describe our personality as a community of “parts” or sub‑personalities psyche.co. These parts aren’t defects—they are roles we developed to help us function. Some of these roles were created driven by the survival urge.
In my sessions, I see, for example:
The wise inner guide: holds calmness, love, compassion, and clarity beneath the noise (psyche.co).
The people‑pleaser: learned to stay agreeable to secure love or avoid conflict (columbiapsychiatry-dc.com).
The perfectionist: can develop in environments where making a mistake brings criticism or danger.
The rebel or conformist: adapted to rigid family rules by either rejecting or complying with authority.
The anxious or depressed inner critic: internalised fear to keep you safe.
Each part has a positive intention – to serve you by either protecting you or giving you some kind of pleasure.
However, they can become rigid as you grow up, causing anxiety, anger, depression, or self‑sabotage when their strategies no longer fit your adult life.
Telling someone in this state to “be yourself” diminishes the complexity of their inner world. To be authentic, we must first resolve the conflicts between these many selves.
From survival strategies to inner conflict
As children, we all learn certain ways of coping with the world around us. Unconsciously, we adapt to our environment by choosing behaviours that help us feel safe, accepted, or loved.
These adaptational strategies are not flaws — they are intelligent responses to our early surroundings. But while they once served us well, they can become outdated as life changes. The subconscious mind, however, keeps them running like old software long after they’re needed.
Until these patterns are updated, they can create inner conflicts — between what we consciously want and what our subconscious still believes we must do to stay safe.
That’s why no amount of willpower, talking, or positive thinking can fully resolve them. A suitable approach, such as hypnotherapy, allows direct communication with the subconscious mind, helping it release outdated strategies and form new, aligned responses that support who you are today.
My experience with inner conflict — when “being yourself” feels harder than it sounds
In my hypnotherapy practice, I often see how people’s conscious goals clash with their subconscious patterns.
You may genuinely want to be yourself, to live in alignment with your values — and yet find that your actions tell a different story.
You may want to lose weight, but end up sabotaging yourself by eating the wrong foods, eating too late, or feeling no desire to cook or exercise. Part of you truly wants to change, while another part still seeks comfort or safety in familiar habits.
Or perhaps you wish for deep, fulfilling relationships, yet feel too anxious to step outside your comfort zone, or keep attracting partners who are emotionally unavailable or even hurtful.
You may also face inner conflict at work. Most people genuinely want to make a difference, yet their values, inner calling, personal limitations, and/or expectations of the work environment can clash with reality. When these inner struggles remain unresolved, they may eventually lead to burnout.
These are some of the common forms of inner conflict I see in my work: the tension between who you strive to be and the patterns you developed long ago to adapt.
At some point, pleasing others, being perfect, or avoiding pain may have kept you safe — but today, those same patterns may keep you stuck in your life, cause frustration, and make you feel helpless.
Through hypnotherapy, we can access the subconscious mind where these old programs still run. Together, we explore what each part of you is trying to protect, update outdated beliefs, and re-align your inner world with your current goals and values.
When that happens, clients often describe feeling at peace, clear-minded, and naturally motivated — as if they finally stopped fighting themselves and started to be themselves truly.
Eckhart Tolle’s insight – you are not your mind
The spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle illustrates another layer of the authenticity puzzle. In The Power of Now, he describes a night of intense depression when he suddenly realised he was listening to his own unhappy mind. He asked himself, who is the real him: the thinker or the observer, and experienced a shift into a peaceful awareness underneath the thought‑stream.
Tolle emphasises that the mind is a tool – a brilliant one – but we suffer when we mistake its stories for our essence and allow it to run our lives, instead of using it in a controlled way. When we compulsively think, we allow the part of self defined by past regrets and future worries to fuel inner conflict and emotional pain.
This teaching resonates with hypnotherapy: you can’t “be yourself” while you’re trapped in mental noise. You must reconnect with the calm, aware presence beneath the chatter.
The inner work of becoming yourself
So how do you move beyond clichés and truly be yourself?
From my experience, the process involves three key stages that unfold naturally through hypnotherapy.
1. Unearthing the roots
Up to 90–95 % of your behaviour is driven by subconscious programming. These programmes originate in early childhood when your brain is still developing.
Through hypnotherapy, we access the subconscious where these survival patterns live. In a calm, focused state, clients can trace back when and why a protective part formed and recognise the positive intention behind it.
2. Releasing outdated beliefs
Once the root cause becomes clear, we use inner-child work and parts integration to dissolve limiting beliefs and release emotional burdens. As these outdated strategies lose their grip, the inner conflict softens and space opens for new possibilities.
3. Reprogramming the mind
After releasing old patterns, we install new, empowering beliefs.
Hypnosis creates an ideal mental state for change — calm, open, and highly receptive — enhancing neural plasticity.
This allows your brain to form healthier ways of thinking, feeling, and responding quickly and effortlessly.
After hypnotherapy, clients often describe feeling lighter, more centred, and naturally authentic — as if their wiser, compassionate Self has taken the lead.
Scientific support
Clinical research confirms the effectiveness of these methods. Meta-analyses have shown that hypnotherapy produces medium to significant positive effects on both mental and physical health (frontiersin.org). It can reduce pain, emotional distress, and medication use while improving conditions such as anxiety and irritable bowel syndrome. These improvements show that working with the subconscious mind is a scientifically supported method.
Conclusion – authenticity as a journey
“Be yourself” is a wonderful aspiration, but it can be misleading if we interpret it as simply acting on impulse or searching for a single static identity.
Authenticity requires courage to look within, curiosity to meet your many parts and compassion to heal the wounds that birthed them.
It is a journey of unlearning, reprogramming and connecting with the deeper Self that Eckhart Tolle and other teachers describe.
Hypnotherapy offers a practical, evidence‑based path for this inner work. If you are ready to move beyond the clichés and reconnect with who you truly are, I would be honoured to guide you.
Frequently Asked Questions about Being Yourself
Is it okay to be yourself?
Absolutely. Being yourself means aligning with your authentic values and feelings — not acting without awareness. It’s okay to be who you are and to evolve.
How can I be myself?
Start by noticing where you act out of fear, habit, or the need for approval. Hypnotherapy can help uncover and release these automatic patterns, allowing your natural confidence and calm to emerge.
How do I become my best self?
You become your best self not by striving for perfection but by integrating your inner conflicting parts — the confident, the caring, the anxious — so they work together instead of against one another in harmony with your inner values and aspirations.
How to be myself around others or at work?
Authenticity grows when you feel safe within yourself. When you stop needing constant validation or approval, you can communicate with more clarity and ease — whether in relationships, at work, or in social situations.
How can I be myself in a relationship or on a date?
Being yourself in a relationship begins with self-acceptance. When you like and respect who you are, you naturally attract people who do the same. Hypnotherapy helps resolve inner conflicts that make you hide or overcompensate, so connection feels genuine.
